BAD JOKES I MADE UP

What’s the best bread to serve if people are throwing cutlery?

Fork-catchia 
 

What are long, green and flies at 400 miles per hour?

Cour-jets

 

What are you if you go for a wee in France?

You're-a-peein

 

I got a head injury playing the piano yesterday.

I was trying to play by ear.

 

A friend of mine purposely poured all of my minestrone on the floor.

I couldn’t believe he would soup so low.

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Why was the green grocer confused when he wasn't anxious anymore?

He had peas that transcended understanding.

 

I keep buying the same herbs twice...thyme and thyme again.

 

My wife told me to go to the shops to buy some more guacamole.

I replied, “I don’t ava-car-do.”

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All jokes written by George Downes. He's really sorry.